I feel like my whole life is a constant lesson about patience. I have learned that God’s timing is not my own. He is awesome always, but even more so when I finally take off the shoes and wait for He has planned….but how do you strike the balance between being pro-active towards your desires and being patient? I don’t want to be entirely passive in my life. I want to be pushing forward towards a goal…wait…I HAVE to be pushing forward towards a goal to feel even remotely happy.
Honestly, the battle with myself over being goal orientated and having patience is a harsh one. I have always needed to have a goal that I’m pressing forward to, even if it changes from day to day. Currently, I’m hanging by a tread about to fall into a deep depression. I’m in limbo land for like the next entire year. If only I could get a distraction. Distraction = job/career. I ask my sweetheart and friends to just tell me what my “goal” is…as though if they would tell me anything I would just go with it. I have so many ideas and they always seem to be blocked off from me securing them as realistic goals.
Here are the list of goals that I could with God’s help and will go towards. Which do you see as being viable or which do you see as being more achievable? Or just pick one and pray. Or just pick one and tell me that’s what I should tell myself is my goal for this year…or more.
* Teaching – I made a valiant attempt at getting a teaching job for this Fall. I completed everything I was suppose to and spoke to the people I was suppose to…but alas, I do not have much hope left that I will be teaching in a few short weeks. BUT you can pray….
* Photography – This is my joy. This is my future in some portion, somehow, someway. I now have a set of photos, I have such strong emotion towards that I would present them to even to most important people. Sure, I have some that I would hide away from them…but overall I feel as though I have a strong set of beautiful photos. I just don’t know what direction to take with them. I had been on the track to pushing forward with my own “portrait” business, but honestly…it just demands/needs more money to put towards it. I could do it successfully, I believe with some capital. However, without the money…I feel inclined to push more towards Art photography which doesn’t really require a time line to be successful – but also makes no money, unless you are published – even then, you need to be published WELL with BIG players (magazines, galleries, etc). I could be content with that, if I could get over the making money issue. – I even considered how to get into Fashion photography and dreamed about hiring my little sister be my make-up artist in years to come. I love aspects of Fashion photography (including the money, if you are good). I’m not particularly fashionable, but fashion photography always pushes the boundaries on creativity. It allows you to be out of the box. It would mean I would never do a posed studio family shot – saying cheese – ever. 🙂 Anyone know anyone that has any connections with any thing photography related? lol. I would basically be a second shooter, a photographer for events, a photographer for a magazine or newspaper…or just a photographer for a model for trade of DVD of photos. So yes, I’m in a limbo with my photography, as well. Any thoughts on the subject or constructive critique of my photography is welcomed…even if you want to tell me I’m not good and haven’t produced anything you’d pay to look at or own…lol. 🙂 I might tell you to get lost and you’re crazy…but I’ll listen.
*Another office position – even typing it makes me cringe. I have some how lost all ambition to do office work, ever again. However, I’m very very good at it. I have always been the rock star of all things office manager-y or bookkeeper-y. I can multi-task like a maniac. I’ve applied for several UT jobs and am even set to start their UT-Temp program (temp work). I could also, sell my soul, and start applying to more craigslist ads for an office job that gets paid crap, but gets paid.
*Maybe a Nanny position? I like kiddos. I’m good with kiddos. I’m very responsible and have already raised two siblings.
*Starting a business on Etsy more seriously with Melissa. – We’ve discussed this in the past, but never really had time to make a go of it. If you don’t know what Etsy is…go to Etsy.com. We have lots of ideas of things we can create and sell…and more that we could come up with….I love the idea, but have to actually put energy towards it and some money (but not much).
*Be an awesome little house fiance (wife – October) and just do substituting. This one is more likely to be what happens, but it’s not really a goal…it has no end result…
So let me know your thoughts, if you have any…Lissie…since you are my only reader. lol. Love you.